I never got there

Gnarls Barkley - Who's Gonna Save My Soul?


He will bring me flowers. He will buy me chocolates. He will compliment me and sing me praises. He will promise to love me.

He will provide me with warmth from his arms. He will give me his shoulder and chest to rest, cry, or sleep on. He will place his heart on a silver platter and serve it to me.

He will reassure me and hold me. He will whisper certainty and conviction in my ears. He will kiss me and he will love me. He will put me on a pedestal and boast about me.

He is good enough – more than good enough. But it probably won’t work out.

It’s not you . . . it’s me.

I’ve woken up and recognized that the above cliché has become the reality of my life. It really is me and not you.

There are a lot of things I cannot do. There are even more things that I am not willing to try – and therefore my capabilities of pursuit and attainment for it is foreign to me. I’ve had it before – lived and breathed it. But I am no veteran. It isn’t like riding a bike – it hasn’t become natural to me.

These hurdles I’ve set up – however many – will never really gauge how well the race will end. They are higher and far more challenging even for myself. How then can I expect someone to leap over one – let alone, the multitudes that I’ve set up?

The finish line will not be as impressive as you’ve imagined it to be. But the chase for this uncommon prize has pushed you forward, probably blinded. At the end of it, you will stand there alone. You will look back and realize that I’ve given up – that I’ve barely made it halfway. You’re angry and hurt, and all I could do is look at you and mouth the words, I’m so sorry.

I never got there. I never get there.